Illness: A Journey

For the past five months, I have been fighting a hard battle. I have been sick with an unknown illness.

            It started off benign enough, annoying, but not enough to require doing something. It got a little worse, so I took over-the-counter medications to alleviate some of the symptoms. It persisted, so I saw a doctor. They gave me some medicine, but it didn’t really help. Things quickly got worse and we immediately went to another doctor. They told simply they had no idea what was wrong but they would collect samples and run tests. One test came back negative; the other was inconclusive because the sample was in the container. They collected another sample and it came back negative, so the doctor prescribed me another medication. It seemed to help for a couple of days, but that was all. My symptoms continued to get worse. We went back to the doctor and they gave me some medicine to control the symptoms and referred me to a specialist. We went to the specialist and the doctor was unsure what was wrong but was going to run tests and a procedure. The tests came back negative and it was three weeks until the procedure. Those three weeks were some of the worst, the anticipation being much worse than the actual thing. The procedure told us a few things that I didn’t have but not what I do. The doctor didn’t know what else to do and referred back to the first doctor I saw. All of this back and forth and waiting has taken quite the emotional toll.

            Last year, I truly began a relationship with God. I enjoyed it so much. For the first time, I could see and feel God moving in my life. This illness has been THE BIGGEST test of my faith and there are times when I feel like I’m failing. I can’t count how many times I have told myself and others have told me, “Even if we don’t understand it now, God has a reason.” I’ve heard it so many times it has become my mantra. There is also the saying, “God doesn’t work on our schedule,” a phrase I have come to find painfully true.

            Despite all that, I still find myself feeling exhausted. Every morning, I would wake up and know that I was going to be sick and there was nothing I could do about it. This illness has also caused me to develop a fair amount of anxiety. I was unable to leave my house due to this illness. Every time I leave to go to school or even the doctor, I get anxious that I will be sick and unable to leave in time. It takes so much to fight through those feelings as well as physical symptoms, I find myself just wanting to crawl in a hole and not come out until it’s all over.

            Nonetheless, fight I do. My mom put it very well, “You can either keep fighting, hard as it is, or you can watch life pass you by.” I’m still going to doctors, still having tests run, still waiting, still fighting. I just wish I knew if I was winning. 

Vulnerability

This week's assignment, we are asked to answer question related to Dr. Brown's TED Talk about Connection.

1. How would you answer, "Sometimes, I am afraid I am not ... enough."

I would have to say 'strong.' For the past three months,  I have been sick with an unknown GI problem. In the last week, I have come down with a debilitating sinus infection. It was so bad, I couldn't even go to the Dr.'s Office to be treated. I have become so reluctant of leaving the house because I am so afraid that I won't be strong enough to make it through. 

2. How do you define vulnerability?

I define vulnerability as a little crack in the foundation of oneself. One that was caused by an injury. One that, if not monitored, or repaired, can bring down the entire house of oneself.

3. Why do you struggle with vulnerability?

I think we all struggle with vulnerability for a similar reason. We become vulnerable because something hurt us. We are wired to avoid painful things. The classic example of the hot stove. You touch the hot stove, you feel pain, you pull your hand back and learn not to touch hot stoves anymore. We experience an event that hurts us. We then avoid doing the same thing that causes pain. Unlike a hot stove, we need to either do the things that make us vulnerable, or get past them to be able to live.

4. What did you tell yourself when faced with something you thought insurmountable?

I told myself that God would get me through it. He had brought me this far. If he brought me to it, he would bring me through it. Recently, this hasn't always quite been enough but, it has been something when there was nothing. 

My Mindful Self

For this week's assignment, we have several questions related to Daniel Siegel's Ted X talk.

1. Which of the three R's (Reflection, Relationship, and Resilience) do you feel you need to develop?

I feel that I really need to develop my resilience. Through the past few years, there have been many times when I haven't been able to follow through on things. Though there were many factors in these situations, I was one of them.

2. What three books have you read in the past year?

Well, now that's a silly question. I have read at least two dozen, if not three, in the past year. To make it easy, my three Favorites have been, The City of Falling Angels and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt and The Murder at the Vicarage by Agatha Christie. I simply love the way Berendt writes and I wish he would write more books and no one can beat a Christie whodunit. 

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time?

It shouldn't come as a big surprise that I liked to read. Nancy Drew was my girl when I was a child and I still collect Nancy Drew books today.

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years?

The goal that has been at the top of my list for a few years has been to make my own business. I've been working away at for one year now and I know there will be a few more before it comes to fruition but, anything worth having is worth working for, right?

5. What do you actually do with your free time?

Well, now to answer that question, we would have to assume I have free time. When I'm not doing schoolwork, I make things for my business, work on inventory, online listings, etc. When I'm not doing that, I  spend time with my family and, of course, read a book or two. 

6. What types of activities energize you?

Cleaning house and doing chores actually energizes me. I think it has to do with the feeling of accomplishment, being able to check something off the list. I think it also has to do with the fact that I know I'm helping my Mom. She works part time but when she does, she works HARD. Being able to take some weight off her shoulders and mind always makes me feel good. 

7. What famous people intrigue you?

When I first read this question, I wonder if it applied to those who are living, those who have passed, or both. Historically speaking, Elizabeth I of England has always been a fascination of mine. The story of her life is so tragic yet also so amazing. Somewhat presently speaking, as much of a cliché as it is, Steve Jobs intrigues me. To have developed something so revolutionary, yet still be so petty, boggles my mind.

And there you have it, a look into my mindful self. 

The Creative Process

Since I started making friendship bracelets my sophomore year, I have started looking at everything with a DIY eye. I see so much jewelry in stores or online that I think, “I could so make that, and it would look so much better.” Then I do.

Pinterest is a major source of projects and inspiration. When it comes to projects, I have a tendency to read how they did it, and then do it my own way, mixing their methods and my own. You can see a great example of this in this post.

When I choose a picture for inspiration, that’s all I look at. For example, I recently made a necklace inspired by one I saw on Pinterest. Below is the inspiration pic.

          I thought I would make some tassels out of my incredible stash of embroidery floss. I started to do that when I realized that my stash did not lend itself to Ombre color scheme. I then thought one long tassel would look good, too. I made one and slid it on a colored ball chain that Michael’s practically paid me to buy. Below you have the result.

The material cost of this was less than $.50. You read that right, $.50. I took less than 5 minutes to make. Should I charge a mere $3 for this necklace, I would profit around $2.50 for 5 minutes of my time. That’s like making $30 an hour. What company pays that much for no experience or degree?

          One of the projects I have to be the most proud of, though, was digital. I receive daily emails from a website called Groopdealz. They offer discounts on boutique merchandise. One day, they sent me an email selling the print below.

I had recently been playing on the website, PicMonkey, a photo editing service. I looked at the print for a minute and thought the classic, “I can do that.” I had to play around on PicMonkey for a good bit before I figured out how to do it, but I did. I soon made a tutorial on how to do it for my personal blog. Not two weeks after, I had the honor to be featured on ‘It’s Overflowing’ as one of the best links from the previous week.

 

Writing the tutorial was a painstaking process. I had to start over and take screen shots of step and in between. I then had to edit the screen shots, and blah, blah, blah. I’m not here to complain. After I made this print and tutorial, I started seeing how to make so many others from Pinterest and other places on the Internet. Below you can see some Mine and Theirs.

Mine

Theirs

Working on so many projects has made me realize that craft supplies are expensive. It wasn't long before the math stopped adding up. I had to start getting crafty about my craft supplies.

Something that has become incredibly trendy is the T-Shirt scarf. T-shirts at craft scores can go for $5, $6 or even $7. Buying even just one shirt to make just one $5 scarf, doesn’t make good business sense. If you waited until the shirts went on sale to 4 for $10, (which isn’t too bad) you’re still paying $2.50 to make a $5 scarf, in addition to whatever time it takes you to make one. I simply couldn’t bring myself to do this. Lucky for me, a local thrift stores sells t-shirts printed t-shirts for $.50, a much better deal than $2.50.

I have also found it more cost efficient to buy a beaded necklace at a thrift store for $1 or $2 instead of the regular $6 or sale $3 for a 7 in string of beads at a craft store. A couple of things that are great to find at thrift stores are plates and candles sticks.

Yet another thing that seems to be all over Pinterest are plates glued to candlesticks to make cake stands. In my world, that is a display for my wares and let me tell you, displays are ex-pen-sive. Along those same lines are chalkboard trays. A great way to knock off that look is to get an old silver platter from your local thrift store, make your own chalkboard paint, and have at it. I took my own spin on it and made chalkboard frames by painting some clearance frames from Michael’s chrome and painting the inserts with chalkboard paint. I simply love the way they came out.

It’s amazing the things you can do with a pile of stuff. Supplies and materials are all around; you just have to put on your creative glasses.

An Interview

Due to illness, I was unable to get out and find someone in my field to interview, instead, I thought back to an interview I conducted last year for a college class. 

The assignment was to interview someone from 'a different culture,' that being defined as someone who has lived in one different country for 3/4ths of their life or someone over the age of 75. I went with the latter option. I had the privilege of interviewing a Mrs. Lois Reed, a member of my grandmother's church who I had met in passing at a church function.

Most of the questions I asked her had to do with how things were when she was growing up. 'What was integration like,' etc. While not directly related to my mentorship, her interview helped me understand the values of a specific demographic of potential customers. 

For instance, she said family was valued more when she was younger than it is now. In that same line, she noted that people used to have dinner parties where all their friends and family would come over and have a good time. She still holds parties quite frequently, not very elaborate, but the camaraderie is still the same. 

She also said one of the biggest things she noticed was language these days is so much coarser than when she was growing up. (Something I also abhor.)She said while she was working, she had a 'Bad Word Jar' in her office. Anyone that said a bad word in her office had to pay her. She said there was even one person that would give her $3 at the beginning of meetings because who knew they would swear and knew they would have to pay. 

Fashion was a very obvious difference. She said when she entered the workforce, women weren't allowed to wear slacks. She said she wore dresses and heels for a great deal of her working career. She also mentioned she had a hard time understanding the fashion trends of today. (Me too, Lois, me too.)

All of these things, along with a myriad of other things we talked about, help me understand how I can better serve the demographic similar to Mrs. Reed. From these things I know that when serving customers like Mrs. Reed, I should keep in mind they like to entertain, I should not swear, (like I would in the first place) and should keep my dress modest (like I wouldn't do that anyway). 

Interviewing Mrs. Reed was such a privilege and so enjoyable. I learned so much from her and will always have fond memories of our time together. If you ever have the opportunity to interview someone of an older generation, do it. You won't regret it.