Sharing the Love

Over on my personal blog, I'm talking about my new favorite crafting project. 

You can click here to see what it's all about.

Here's a clue:

Thanks for stopping by and have a great day!

Illness: A Journey Update

Most of you may remember a post I did not long ago about my unknown illness. If not, you can read it here.

I have some good news. 

We know what it is.

It is a food "sensitivity."

I know. I was just as shocked as you are. After, are you ready for this, an allergist, a pediatrician, a gastroenterologist, a family medicine doctor, and back to the allergist again, we found out why I was so sick. 

At some point, I developed a sensitivity to eggs, corn, barley, sesame seeds, walnuts, and shrimp. 

Crazy, huh?

My allergist recommended cutting these food from my diet then eating one at a time and seeing which ones i reacted to. Let me just say, corn is now my worst enemy.

After all this good news, a new problem arose.

Anxiety.

With my illness, and going to college, and going to high school, and working for the Honors Mentorship Program, I developed anxiety and started having panic attacks.

I had started grinding my teeth somewhere in the middle of my food sensitivity so, the diagnosis of anxiety wasn't too shocking. I had also become uncomfortable and anxious about staying home alone for three hours in the morning before I went to school, something most people would find laughable. The worst part however, was driving.

Every time I got in my car to drive to school or go to work, I would get lighted or a headache, feel nauseous  and my ears would start ringing. These are the classic symptoms of a panic attack and I have them every day.

I have been working with my doctor to find the best treatment for me. We are currently trying a combination of medicine and counseling to curb my anxiety and cut down on the panic attacks. Goodness knows I don't need to panic while driving. 

Since my food issues have gotten better, so has my relationship with God. Let's face it, it's easy when times aren't rough but, I'm starting to think the physical journey was just preparation for the emotional one to come. He has been with me and given me the strength to fight through much of my anxiety and while I would rather not have it at all, it's all in His time. 

God got me through my physical illness. I know he will get me through this emotional one. 

A Provocateur

This week's assignment was to watch a TED Talk video of neuroscientist, David Rock. In his video, he talks about 'Provocateurs.'

He goes on to define a Provocateur as the following:

1. One who can notice subtle changes.

2. One who is okay with uncertainty.

3. One who knows how to be an agent of change.

We were then asked to think of someone from history, a current figure, or someone we know personally who is a provocateur.

My provocateur is a close family friend, Debbie Warren.

Debbie and my Mom have been friends since high school. They are so close, Debbie's daughter and myself were born nine days apart. (I'm pretty sure it wasn't planned that way but I wouldn't put it past those two.) 

Debbie is what I like to call a Mary Kay lady. Mary Kay is a company the 'Enriches Women's Lives.' They do it through both their products and their partnerships with organizations that work to improve the lives of women everywhere.

Debbie became a Mary Kay lady in 1986. She did well in her early years. However, like always, life kicked in. She and her husband own their own business, of which she is the office manager. They also have a daughter my age and son who is a little younger. Basically, life soon took over and Mary Kay fell to the wayside. 

In the past couple of years, Debbie and her family have gone through some events that required them to rethink some things. Debbie soon met another Mary Kay lady, Cecilia James. 

Cecilia started in Mary Kay when she was 18. She had to get a loan to purchase her Starter Kit which she says was one of her biggest motivator to sell and excel at Mary Kay. She has been with it more years than she would probably want me to say since I've mentioned her name but this past year she has made it to the position of National Sales Director, the highest position you can achieve. 

After meeting Cecilia and hearing her story of success, Debbie recommitted to Mary Kay. She wanted to change her circumstances and she was going to 'Make It Happen,' the motto of her unit.

Debbie then proceeded to sell and recruit and sell some more to earn her first car, a brand spanking new Chevy Cruze, and earn the position of Director in one month, an unprecedented achievement. 

She is the definition of a provocateur.

As a Mary Kay lady, you have to be able to tell the subtle differences between a person's skin color and the shade of make up you're about to use on them. Beyond that, she can tell when someone is really committed to making a difference not only in their own lives but the lives of women everywhere. 

While you can do VERY well selling Mary Kay, you don't have an hourly wage or a salary. Debbie doesn't know what her check will be each month but she knows she can work to make it whatever she wants it to be. 

She changed her life with Mary Kay, as well as the life of her family and mine. Not to mention the lives she has changed through Mary Kay's partnerships with organizations that work to improve the lives of women everywhere. 

Blogs and Technology

For this week, we focus on the blogs of other Honors Mentroship students and the technology of our final projects.

I think my project will have a bit of technology, mostly in the form of a PowerPoint with graphical representations of data.

I read and followed the following blogs:

Hana Brown's HanaBrownie
Kassie Thomas' Heart Beats and Breaks: A Musical Journey
Ashley Nolls' Through the Scope

A blog that relates to my Mentorship is my blog about my crafting adventures:

Merritt's Marvels

Three pictures:

 My First Craft Show

My Second Craft Show at The Oaks

My Second Craft Show at The Oaks

Illness: A Journey

For the past five months, I have been fighting a hard battle. I have been sick with an unknown illness.

            It started off benign enough, annoying, but not enough to require doing something. It got a little worse, so I took over-the-counter medications to alleviate some of the symptoms. It persisted, so I saw a doctor. They gave me some medicine, but it didn’t really help. Things quickly got worse and we immediately went to another doctor. They told simply they had no idea what was wrong but they would collect samples and run tests. One test came back negative; the other was inconclusive because the sample was in the container. They collected another sample and it came back negative, so the doctor prescribed me another medication. It seemed to help for a couple of days, but that was all. My symptoms continued to get worse. We went back to the doctor and they gave me some medicine to control the symptoms and referred me to a specialist. We went to the specialist and the doctor was unsure what was wrong but was going to run tests and a procedure. The tests came back negative and it was three weeks until the procedure. Those three weeks were some of the worst, the anticipation being much worse than the actual thing. The procedure told us a few things that I didn’t have but not what I do. The doctor didn’t know what else to do and referred back to the first doctor I saw. All of this back and forth and waiting has taken quite the emotional toll.

            Last year, I truly began a relationship with God. I enjoyed it so much. For the first time, I could see and feel God moving in my life. This illness has been THE BIGGEST test of my faith and there are times when I feel like I’m failing. I can’t count how many times I have told myself and others have told me, “Even if we don’t understand it now, God has a reason.” I’ve heard it so many times it has become my mantra. There is also the saying, “God doesn’t work on our schedule,” a phrase I have come to find painfully true.

            Despite all that, I still find myself feeling exhausted. Every morning, I would wake up and know that I was going to be sick and there was nothing I could do about it. This illness has also caused me to develop a fair amount of anxiety. I was unable to leave my house due to this illness. Every time I leave to go to school or even the doctor, I get anxious that I will be sick and unable to leave in time. It takes so much to fight through those feelings as well as physical symptoms, I find myself just wanting to crawl in a hole and not come out until it’s all over.

            Nonetheless, fight I do. My mom put it very well, “You can either keep fighting, hard as it is, or you can watch life pass you by.” I’m still going to doctors, still having tests run, still waiting, still fighting. I just wish I knew if I was winning. 

Vulnerability

This week's assignment, we are asked to answer question related to Dr. Brown's TED Talk about Connection.

1. How would you answer, "Sometimes, I am afraid I am not ... enough."

I would have to say 'strong.' For the past three months,  I have been sick with an unknown GI problem. In the last week, I have come down with a debilitating sinus infection. It was so bad, I couldn't even go to the Dr.'s Office to be treated. I have become so reluctant of leaving the house because I am so afraid that I won't be strong enough to make it through. 

2. How do you define vulnerability?

I define vulnerability as a little crack in the foundation of oneself. One that was caused by an injury. One that, if not monitored, or repaired, can bring down the entire house of oneself.

3. Why do you struggle with vulnerability?

I think we all struggle with vulnerability for a similar reason. We become vulnerable because something hurt us. We are wired to avoid painful things. The classic example of the hot stove. You touch the hot stove, you feel pain, you pull your hand back and learn not to touch hot stoves anymore. We experience an event that hurts us. We then avoid doing the same thing that causes pain. Unlike a hot stove, we need to either do the things that make us vulnerable, or get past them to be able to live.

4. What did you tell yourself when faced with something you thought insurmountable?

I told myself that God would get me through it. He had brought me this far. If he brought me to it, he would bring me through it. Recently, this hasn't always quite been enough but, it has been something when there was nothing. 

My Mindful Self

For this week's assignment, we have several questions related to Daniel Siegel's Ted X talk.

1. Which of the three R's (Reflection, Relationship, and Resilience) do you feel you need to develop?

I feel that I really need to develop my resilience. Through the past few years, there have been many times when I haven't been able to follow through on things. Though there were many factors in these situations, I was one of them.

2. What three books have you read in the past year?

Well, now that's a silly question. I have read at least two dozen, if not three, in the past year. To make it easy, my three Favorites have been, The City of Falling Angels and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt and The Murder at the Vicarage by Agatha Christie. I simply love the way Berendt writes and I wish he would write more books and no one can beat a Christie whodunit. 

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time?

It shouldn't come as a big surprise that I liked to read. Nancy Drew was my girl when I was a child and I still collect Nancy Drew books today.

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years?

The goal that has been at the top of my list for a few years has been to make my own business. I've been working away at for one year now and I know there will be a few more before it comes to fruition but, anything worth having is worth working for, right?

5. What do you actually do with your free time?

Well, now to answer that question, we would have to assume I have free time. When I'm not doing schoolwork, I make things for my business, work on inventory, online listings, etc. When I'm not doing that, I  spend time with my family and, of course, read a book or two. 

6. What types of activities energize you?

Cleaning house and doing chores actually energizes me. I think it has to do with the feeling of accomplishment, being able to check something off the list. I think it also has to do with the fact that I know I'm helping my Mom. She works part time but when she does, she works HARD. Being able to take some weight off her shoulders and mind always makes me feel good. 

7. What famous people intrigue you?

When I first read this question, I wonder if it applied to those who are living, those who have passed, or both. Historically speaking, Elizabeth I of England has always been a fascination of mine. The story of her life is so tragic yet also so amazing. Somewhat presently speaking, as much of a cliché as it is, Steve Jobs intrigues me. To have developed something so revolutionary, yet still be so petty, boggles my mind.

And there you have it, a look into my mindful self.